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My how the mighty have fallen. After 4 losses to open the season, Paul is starting an upswing though…thanks to Carl Crawford, Jimmy Rollins, Travis Hafner, and pretty decent pitching. Pate is 5th in Runs, 2nd in HRs and 1st in RBIs, but is 12-11-1 in those categories. Pitching has never been a problem for Pate, and it’s just a matter of time for the offense to click on all cylinders week in and week out no matter the opponent. The only way Paul has a prayer is to make a Benson like deal with his players that if Andy teabags his sister, then all of them can…wait…didn’t that happen? Hafner and Crawford “goes off”, but everyone else is gay.
Battle of Division Leaders. With the horndogette out of town, fresh off of a Vegas trip, and Juiced finally going out w/ the ad campaign…things are looking up. But too much red meat and beer gets the best of MHD as he slacks on setting his lineup (he doesn’t set it for early games for the 2nd week in a row). Gibby’s new job at the track yields little time for TMB, but he manages to keep Pujols in the lineup and doesn’t trade him to Pate.
Krueg lost to Pedro. Krueg lost to Pedro. I thought I’d type in twice in case you missed it. Poor Krueg. Sounds like he needs to make a deal (to Pate). Andy tells Krueg he wants to teabag his sister. Krueg Wookies-out and beats the living tea out of Andy. AntNoJobLikeAWookieBeatingMyAss changes his name. What of the teabagging request. Lemme tell you what now. Krueg’s gonna call up a couple a hard, pipe-hittin’ niggas and go to work on the holmes here with a pair a pliars and a blowtorch. You hear me talkin’ AntNoJobLikeAWookieBeatingMyAss Hillbilly Boy? I ain’t through with you by a damn site. I’m gonna get medieval on your ass. AndJob never makes tea again.
Add these 2 two together…these two have an .819 winning percentage. Pedro is making a case to not finish in the cellar. He got a good matchup this week versus Tim. I think Pedro will pass Luke this week. Tim knows he’s playing in a Yahoo league and not Stoney’s…right? Tim is last in the league in offense and he is hanging his hopes on a Josh Barfield and CoCo Crisp revolution. He needs to trade Vladdy for a couple of keepers (to Pate preferably) and think about next year.
Got some advice. Lackey…drop Chacon and stream that position. I would also shop Holliday around for some offense (an OF and 1B) while the iron is hot. Duke…Drop freaking Baldelli, Aurillia, and McCann already (or trade them…but I doubt you’d have many takers). Pick up some pitching. Make something happen w/ pitching…you have a decent offense. Duke has 7 transactions (that’s 0.875 transactions per week) and Lackey has 5 transactions (or 0.625 transactions per week). The transactions averages for the top eight in the league are 3.375 transactions per week. The averages for the bottom eight are 1.3125 transactions per week. What does this mean. Not a damn thing b/c you won’t read this to take some advice anyway. Duke gets in good w/ his offense and wins the rate stats and wins (b/c Lackey’s pitching sucks).
The Bulls’ lottery has Phil all stoked for not caring about his team. Jimmy tries to continue his non-losing ways (hasn’t lost since week 3). But neither team cares so much that both end up losing. Mantis gets pissed that people don’t care so much…bearclaws them both b/c Jimmy spilled beer on him again and Phil rants about pink elephants and pringles.
Mantis is too busy bearclawing Jimmy and Phil that he bearly remembers to beat the living crap out of Dickman. Dickman is 4th in the league. Did I just type that…maybe he’ll be the most improved team. Besides SBs, Dickman’s offense is unreal. That doesn’t make any sense. I suppose Johnson, Jeter, Blake, and Jones are all having good seasons…who would’ve thought. He “bolstered” his SP by adding Lowe (he’s 5-7-4 combined in Ws and Ks against the rest of the league). Mantis wins SBs, SVs, Ks, and ERA. That’s it though.
Strode Loses all his money on blackjack and deals w/ the wife (and cat for that matter) for being insensitive to the needs of the family (self-centered goat). Luke…I don’t know you and you never talk on TMB. You suck. It’s tough to predict suckiness…but based on the W-L and cumulative stats for these teams I’ll say Strode wins Rs, SBs, OBP, and Ks. Luke wins the rest as he asks Gibby for Mrs. Goat’s number.